Tuesday, January 24, 2006

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice


"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice."

– Edgar Watson Howe

Todays quote certainly ring true. A past experience looms up before me tugging at the corners of my memory bank which i have locked up not wishing to peer into again. Nonetheless, to look back and be thankful for the growth that i have experienced due to what seemed at that time as a horribly bad experience, i believe is a risk worth taking.

There was a time when i was wallowing in self pity, stuck in a rut, not being able to move giving practically every other excuse i can pluck out of thin air to stay put in a complete state of decadence.Sound stupid? I know, but it happens.

There was once a time in my life when I was very unhappy in a polygamous marriage. After devoting my entire life, ambition and career to my husband and family, I was incapable...no...completely unwilling to move, or unable (no refuse) to make a decision on where i should head in my life. Allah sent me so many good advice from well meaning friends and family to either bear with the situation and keep smiling or get out and stop complaining. On top of that He provided me with ready shoulders whenever i needed to cry on, yet i was still stuck unable (no refusing) to move..until one day...

It was a Valentine's eve, and it was promised that my other half was supposed to spend the night with me. We were supposed to have Valentine's dinner together at midnight, but as my gut feeling told me, and as always with these special ocassions, he changed the plans. He was to return to the other home by 11pm, as my heart bled profusely, my face muscles forced a smile, it was my duty to obey and make him happy. I was already having a fever that evening, but i strived to carry out my daily chores and ensure that dinner was ready for my brood of 7 lovely children. My husband and i left for dinner and i tried to push all bad feelings to the back of my brains and tried to make the best of what i had..by 10.30pm i was despatched home, by then, i was so tired i could not drag myself upstairs to my bedroom, so i laid down on the sofa in the living room. I just watched as my children went back and forth up and down and i almost dozed off. Then i felt pin pricks in my left and right toe..i thought..well it must be my temparature..i left it at that. In a short while the pricks seemed to be climbing up to my ankle and it besieged my entire feet..i started to feel rather worried, but i thought never mind..perhaps it was just blood circulation. So i tried to move my feet in circles, i noticed i had to put quite a bit of an effort and they didn't move as much as i wanted them to. In half an hour my feet were numb and the pin pricks have traveled up to my knees..my feet were motionless..now i began to panic..i summoned my two sons to help me rotate my legs and feet for blood to circulate and they did it so diligently which was so unlike my boys..but the pricks kept travelling up..and i kept losing my ability to move along the path which they traveled..when it reached my chest...i thought i was going to die and i really panicked. So did my children..and they were all crying..i was completely helpless and all i could do was watch them because even talking was a task ..i wanted to grab each and everyone of them and tell them how much i love them and how blessed i am with them and how sorry i am for all the horrible things i have said to them in my anger and pain and sorrow and depression and how unfair i have been to them and how sorry i am for not being able to provide them with a perfect childhood like i had and for being such a failure as a wife that their father had to seek someone else's love and how i admitted that all these blunders were entirely mine..but at that point..it seemed worthless..only my eyes could speak and i hoped that they understood what i was trying to say. They managed to contact my husband and with the help of my sons and my sister I was brought to the nearest hospital..my pulse was so low, the pulse monitor kept going off..this was when it all dawned upon me..
IF I WERE TO GO NOW..WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE...38 YEARS SEEMED SO SHORT..WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY BEFORE THE ALMIGHTY GOD..HE GAVE ME ALL THE ABILITY TO MOVE..HE POINTED CHOICES TO ME ..TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF MY LIFE..AND WHAT DID I CHOOSE..WHAT HAVE I CONTRIBUTED TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE..I HAVE NOT EVEN CARRIED OUT MY RESPONSIBILITY AS A MOTHER PROPERLY..OH GOD..PLEASE GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE..

At that particular point, i resolved that if God Almighty gave me a SECOND chance, i will not let my life go to waste again. I will live my life to the full and make sure i leave a legacy behind for my descendants..and my mission started at that very moment. When everyone was asleep, i prayed and tried to move my fingers and toes..and i prayed and i cried to God..and i would fall asleep, sweating and panting, trying..how was i going to raise my babies in my condition like this..i needed to fight..and God is great and truly gracious and merciful, by the third day i could make a miniscule movement with my index finger..and He enveloped me with courage and hope..and that was what that kept me going.And my movement grew stronger and stronger and i learned to sitlike a baby again, stand and walk like a toddler. It was as if God was giving me a second life to live..reduce myself to a helpless baby and grow from there..all fresh and new..

This scare that He gave me was really much much more than the good advice which He sent me..and it paved my way to being who i am today. And I believe it is my mission to help those who are now stuck in a rut like i was, to start moving, hopefully without having to go through the PARALYSING shock i went through. And may He give me strength and wisdom to fulfill my mission.

TODAY I AM THANKFUL FOR BEING ABLE TO MOVE WITHOUT HAVING TO THINK ABOUT WHICH MUSCLE TO CONCENTRATE ON TO MANIFEST THE MOVEMENT THAT I WANTED. I AM THANKFUL FOR BEING ABLE TO BREATHE WITHOUT HAVING TO CONCENTRATE ON MY LUNGS AND WITHOUT HAVING TO STICK THE OXYGEN TUBE UP MY NOSTRILS. I AM THANKFUL FOR BEING ABLE TO GO TO THE TOILET ON MY OWN AND TO CLEANSE MYSELF ON MY OWN. FOR THOSE GIFTS ARE TRULY PRICELESS. IF GOD DECIDES TO TAKE THESE ABILITIES BACK, NO WEALTH NOR MONEY IN THE WORLD WILL BE ABLE TO BUY THEM BACK FOR US.

THANK YOU ALLAH, YOU TRULY ARE THE MOST GRACIOUS AND THE MOST MERCIFUL
THANK YOU ALLAH FOR BEING THERE FOR ME WHEN I CRIED AND PRAYED IN THE HDU WHILE EVERYONE ELSE SLEPT. THANK YOU ALLAH FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER DAY TO REPENT AND TO MAKE GOOD WHAT I HAD DONE WRONG BEFORE YOU CALL ME TO YOUR SIDE. THANK YOU A THOUSAND MILLION TIMES THANK YOU.

And this also came into my email box today
THERE ALWAYS REMAINS AN OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE A NEW START.


Though it may not seem so when you first encounter a serious blow, you can never lose two of the most important assets you have. These are the power of your mind and your freedom to use it. Once you have turned them to understanding what laid you low, you can begin forming new plans. You may not have the money you once had; you may lack the allies you had cultivated. But you still have the benefit of a universe that eventually rewards honest effort, as well as gaining the experience of mistakes you will never make again. Remember, no matter where you are now, whatever you can conceive and believe, you can achieve.


Hmmm..i see a message from the divine here..somewhere..:-) perasan...

3 comments:

KaptJArcher said...

Hi sis,

how come havent been blogging for a while. Always enjoyed reading your musings.

Kapt

JR said...

Hi Queen,

Thank you for sharing this post with me and all the rest of us. Your commitment and openness to the Way of God is clear- even when there may be a divergence between your direct experience of inspiration and the interpretations that others may have been making (God bless them, too). It is my privilege, honor, and joy to be... yours, truly.

:D

By the way, you win!

Gauri Krishnan said...

Thank you for sharing such a wonderful post which tells if we deviate from our path then GOD is there to help us and bring us back on track. Thank you once again may "God Bless You"!