Paulo Coelho's Statutes For Life

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I love this man, and I love the way he thinks and writes. I am inclined to agree with him, most of the time.

If Today Be Sweet- Thrity Umrigar

If Today Be Sweet: A Novel by Thrity Umrigar

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
When I first read The Space Between Us by Umrigar, I was so mesmerised by her authorship that I was googling to find if she has any other published books. I was disappointed, then. That must have been about 2 years ago. A few days back when I was googling again to satisfy my craving for a shot of good literary work, I was elated to find quite a number of books by her and decided to take a trip to the bookstore to get this one. It is not as fast a read as the Space but as poignant and evocative as ever. Perhaps Tehmina's soliloquy touched me to he core because I am a single mother with a grown up son, whom I believe loves me as much as I love him. Perhaps Tehmina's closeness to Rustom reminded me of my mom and dad's closeness and how my mom is still coping from her loss when dad left her so abruptly due to a heart attack..perhaps. But definitely, without a doubt it is her gift to chain your attention with her beautiful flow of words, and the big heartedness of her characters..i recommend it to anyone who has a mom, has a wife, anyone who is a mom herself. It will make you a better person..surely...

Now I am craving for another good read..


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MAGIC BLOCKS

I was first introduced to this ingenious creation when I was 9 or 10. A family friend who returned from a study sabatical from England brought this as a present for me, Uncle Darmis and Auntie Rohani. When I was 6 years old, my parents decided to send me to a good Kindy in Green Lane. The Kindy operator sent and picked up children, but where I lived was out of the way. I was then staying in Brown Gardens Gelugor. So I transited at their home, a quarters within the RECSAM campus.My parents would pick me up when they returned from school at around 2pm.At the time, LEGO was unknown in Malaysia, at least not in Penang. Those original LEGO pieces are still kept in my mom's house in Minden Heights along with a hodge podge of other LEGO and DUPLO pieces I later bought for my elder children.

A few months ago I bought a set for my two little heroes..and it was the best decision I have ever made to part with my hard earned money. Muaz would come home from school and pour the bucket out while he is transported into his own LEGO world. It took a while for me to train him to change and eat and have his shot of Sustagen first before he is allowed to play for half and hour and later complete his homework before he can continue playing. Never have any toy I bought managed to capture his attention in this manner. The way the boys play is totally different from the way I did. Obviously I wasn't as imaginative as they are, because I was merely copying what was shown on the box, but the boys let their imagination roam free and create all sorts of things. Lately I am recipient to many gifts from vehicles to Aircrafts to Robots to cute little homes. I feel a twist of guilt as I toss these creations into its bucket at the end of the day since my workstation gets cluttered with them..but I know more will come my way..so I guess it doesn't matter..I only managed to take a picture of these three..but I promise there will be more to come.

Flipped

¿noʎ ʇ,uop 'sıɥʇ ǝʌol ı ˙ɹoɹɹıɯ ʎʞoɯs ɐ ǝʞıl sı ǝɟıl ɹno zoɔ 'ʇı ʎɹʇ ˙ʞuıɥʇ noʎ ʇ,uop ƃuıʇsǝɹǝʇuı ǝʇınb sı sıɥʇ
find it here

MUAZ'S SCHOOL OPEN DAY

He has been waiting for this for a long time. 2 weeks is a long time for a child of 5..Every morning when I or his brother sent him to school he would be asking me to go along with him, to see him take part in a colouring contest. "Can you please come with me, Ummi. Can you come and see me colour in school. I will colour so nice for you..please Ummi." I would have to say, "It's not today, Muaz..but on that day you will be with your Dad..you can ask Dad to take you, ok". Deep in my heart..I worry that he won't take Muaz and I know how that will break Muaz's heart. Muaz withdrew to a corner and sulked. Droplets of tears on his cheeks.."I don't want to go..". "Just two days Muaz..and you will be back with me again.." "I don't want to go.." he screamed..All I could do was hug him until his sobs subside. This has been the ritual everytime this issue is raised.

I feel helpless because the agreement is such. The youngest two has to go to their father every two weeks..the court has decided and I am not one to go back on my words. It is good that they have some time with their father, too. I know whatever God provides is always the best, and that belief has helped me face everyday with a positive attitude, even if it hurts me and appear to hurt my children sometimes. All I could do was hope and pray and trust. Meanwhile, whatever hurts or cuts my children came home with, I try my best to heal, because that is life. They will need to learn. And whatever joys they came home with I encourage and reinforce.

Friday came and went and the children were still with me. I am so grateful that things have worked out this way. So this morning we got ready to go to Muaz's school open day/art exhibition. The children sang and spelled and counted and coloured. While they were colouring, I had the chance to visit Muaz's class to see his artwork. After all was said and done, I had the greatest reward ever..one that not the rubies and diamonds in the world can match. Muaz came to me, kissed me and hugged me with great candour, and whispered in my ears, "Thank you so much Ummi. I love you so much". "I love you too, Muaz". "Do you think I am smart to colour?"(he always articulates his question in this manner when he has done something to make me proud) "I think you are brilliant, genius the most wonderful in the whole world, baby". Satisfied with the answer, he gave me a final hug and off he went again to play with his friends..

Muaz won a consolation prize in the colouring contest, but that is not important. Not to him, or to me. What's important is the fact that we spent time together and Muaz will have this archived in his memory. What's important is he knows that he is loved and we are always proud of him. Hopefully he will carry this values through in his life and when he has his own children, will appreciate and be proud of them, the way I am of him. I carry this value with me, because my parents bequethed it to me, and they lived the family values they preach. And it is those values that has kept me standing and held my children and I together during the hardest of times.

I am now floating with the joy of that appreciation that Muaz has showered me.

I am inviting you to share my joy..do watch this images I managed to record.

Another Funeral

Another cousin of mine passed away yesterday. This cousin was quite close to the family, a first cousin, my mom's brother's son,. His dad, passed away when his youngest sister was about 2 or 3 years old ( I am not sure how old he was, then). My mom once recounted the incident of her elder brother kissing his children one by one as a farewell gesture, on his death bed and told Mom to help keep an eye on his children when he is gone. So, Mom and Dad kept their word and helped to ‘keep an eye’ on all his children. So at some point in each of their lives, they came to stay with us, so as to enable them to be placed in a reputable school, since school was (and is still even till today) allocated based on a child’s location of residence. So during that period, they became a member of the family; another sibling for me. They came to stay one at a time. So during that period, when my teacher asked how many members in the family I had, I remember always quoting two extra siblings, because there was always one of them in our family and I always thought that mother’s younger foster sister was my elder sister..

What struck me most during this funeral was that while I am lamenting about God’s “failure” to answer my prayers, there before me, stood a woman, strong and stoic as she came face to face with the death of her son. She has been well acquainted with Death, who has claimed so many of her beloved's lives, beginning with her husband when she was barely 30, and then a son, due to talasemia, when he was in his teens; and later another son, from the same disease; and today the latest addition of her offspring has been invited by Death to join those who have gone before her. And I thought..it must be a lot harder for a mother to see her child precede her , yet this mother who have lost three, did not complain. She surrendered and put all her faith and fate in the hands of Almighty God. While I?????
.

For that reason, this funeral was the most humbling experience for me. One that taught me to be thankful for all the children that God has blessed me with, regardless of the challenges that they face, or the challenges that they pose to me. It taught me to pause before complaining about my plight, and instead to seek the opportunity to find the blessings often hidden behind every challenge and hence practice gratitude for everything that God has bestowed.. It made me realise the wealth of wisdom behind everything that He bestows regardless of whether they are in the form of challenges or blessings. And that when we trace His actions to the roots, it will inevitably lead us to a point where we understand that they are all grounded in His Love and Benificence.



I saw the procession we made to the cemetry as a farewell gesture to a loved one, because we will not meet again for a long long time. But it is not like we will never ever meet again. God has explicitly described in the Quran , that we shall eventually do so in another world. I don’t know, perhaps we had the same procession in the spirit world before we were sent into our mother's womb..but God did not permit us to remember it, or we did not then have the physical facility to store the memory of that experience. And later on in the womb, we perhaps had the same procession or ritual before we were sent out to this world called earth...and now we proceed to another realm. With this realisation, instead of the deep seated fear that I used to experience when I encountered the death of close family and friends, I felt God's love cradling me and comforting me. I felt His Love and Benificence in the way He made us grow into these different forms, to cater to the environment in the different ‘worlds’ he has created for us.

I used to seek solace in other human beings to resolve or at least dampen the fear that I have about death, but now, as God made me stand alone, with no companion to share my fears, I begin to understand that another human can never give me the solace that I seek. It is only Almighty God who can bestow that boon, and this fear can only be overcome, by feeling His presence in the form of His LOVE and by being in communication with Him.

And I know that my cousin is in the lap of God’s Love now. He was a good man. And he is in a new world tonight..And the Prophet PBUH once said that if your sins are as far and wide as the distance between this earth and the sky, believe that verily, God's Grace is far greater than that!! (I hope no one will come and say that this is a false Hadith, since i am not too scholarly to quote the source..)

Mary

"Mom, you’re lazy and stupid and ugly”, Mary said to her mom smiling a cheeky smile. Then she disapeared into the hall where the rest of the family were sitting, waiting for her to serve lunch

Maggie’s tears trickled down her cheeks. She wiped it off while she stirred her curry..
She could hear her husband Willy’s laughter...

Mary appeared again, “Dad said you are ugly and fat and slow,” the five year old puffy cheeked china doll appeared again, and off she went in a puff.

Maggie told herself, she doesn’t know what she is saying. She is too young to understand that it is not a joke. Mary was terribly close to her dad, the youngest and the favourite among the four children he sired with her. Tears fell like rain, as she wrestled to stop it, stifling the sobs that was battling to escape her throat. She must get lunch ready. She beat herself up for being such and incompetent wife and mother, who can't even make sure that lunch is served on time.

It's ok, she told herself, this is just an ephemeral world..when she dies, she will pay to enter heaven’s gate with her patience, and there everything will be perfect. Willy will love her just as much as she loves him, everything will be fine. It was said that this world is fleeting..compared to the hereafter, so she shall brace herself to face the worst here, for a better life there....

Lunch went uneventfully, with no one talking at the table, except Willy pointing out that the food was tasteless and telling everyone to close their mouths while eating.

“Tomorrow, you get Mary ready. I am taking her with me,” he said with a tone, which no one dared to challenge.

“Where to? just her? What about the boys?,” Mom asked.

“Just get her ready..” Willy said and got up to leave the table..

~~~~~*~~~~~

Mary hugged her mom, and clambered into the 4WD. She was quiet for a long time, until the car turned in a direction which was completely unfamiliar to her. “Where are we going, Dad?", she asked quietly...

“I am taking you to meet someone," he said looking at her with a tender smile. .

She looked at him, and felt a funny tiny sensation in her gut.

They turned around a final corner and she saw a woman waiting by the street. Daddy stopped and told her to climb to the back. The lady climbed in. Her lips painted scarlet..that was the first thing Mary noticed. Her eyes were heavily made up deep blue. Her cheekbones stained pink. The sweet smell of her perfume filled every nook and cranny of the car, and Mary’s nostrils, nauseating her. She must be pretty to Daddy's eyes. "Hi, you must be Mary,” she said as her red lips stretched into a smile. Want to come and sit with me? Mary knew she had to be polite, so she smiled and shook her head.

“This is Auntie Naddy, Mary..." Daddy turned around and smiled a brilliant smile. It was obvious that daddy was very happy, a certain kind of light seemed to gleam in his eyes. When was the last time she saw that gleam? It was so long ago, those days when he used to bring her and the rest of the family for holidays or for a good meal at a posh restaurant. It was almost like a dream. She has almost forgotten it ever existed...now she knows, Naddy.stole it..
Mary saw daddy’s hand slip across the hand brakes seeking for Naddy's. The tiny flutter in her gut, stirred again, a little more violently this time...can he do that? Something wasn't right. She somehow knew instinctively, this act was completely misplaced.

Daddy's hand found Naddy's and she saw him carressing her fingers while she carressed his. Mary felt a lump in her throat..but something told her to be silent. She felt like crying but the tears all seem to be stuck in her throat. The road began to climb...she wanted to ask where they were taking her, but she couldn't. She didn’t want to go with them, she just wanted to go home to Mom...finally they stopped. Mary could see a few Fairy’s Wheel and a Merry Go Roiund with horses...and a myriad of other rides. They climbed out of the car..Daddy held her hand, while Naddy took the other..."People must think she's your daughter..she's so pretty like you, " she heard her Daddy say and Naddy giggled, she couldn't look at them anymore. She felt so betrayed. Why? She didn’t know. Later, they put her on the merry go round while they waited for her on the ground..when her horse spun to the place where they were standing, she could see daddy hugging Naddy.. the flutter in her gut now became a violent stir. Her entire gut felt like pouring out onto the merry go round floor, along with her tears.

Just as the wrenching twist in her gut became unbearable, everything stopped.. Mary felt nothing..numb....

The rest was a blurr..

She walked with them, but registered nothing...

When she reached home, she neither smiled nor laughed nor cried..she hugged her mom dutifully. but did not cling with affection like she used to. She was silent..she saw mom's tear stained face but did not feel sorry anymore. She untangled herself and went straight up to change and laid awake for a long time in bed..

Muaz and Huzaifah's Space Oddysey

They took a box which once housed a TV, coloured the wings with crayon, even did a dashboard with the polystyrene..and they're off to space....





The creativity of babies..i just have to immortalise it.