There are friends whom you meet every day of your life, or who are around you all the time. You bump into them all the time, as if they are permanent features of your life tapestry. There are friends whom you meet so ocassionally, that there are pockets of time when they just slip off your memory bank. But there are friends whom you hardly see, maybe once a year if you are lucky, but remain etched in your memory and carved out in your heart and form invisible pillars in your life, who help prop you up when you are down. Throughout my adversity, I am blessed with friends like that. One stand out, because, she was a mere acquaintance, a good friend of my sister's and almost a daughter to my parents, but she pushed the doors to my heart, and became my friend when i was really down and almost completely out. When i had nothing, when i was scraping for daily bread and many whom i thought were friends left me, but she came, and loan me her hand and her shoulder to cry on. She cried for me, when many whom i thought were friends clapped at my saga. She embraced me tightly and told me that she cared and her prayers are always with me and that God is Great and He loves me. She stayed by my side and just chatted with me. And once in a while, my phone would ring and i would here that cheerful, "Hi Kak Shaki, How are you Kak?". And she would spend hours of her precious time talking and chatting to me on her handphone, even if it was a long distance call. But I will not be blessed with that call anymore. Yesterday at noon, Erni was called back to Allah. Throughout my pain and sorrow, i could feel her presence. Erni had her own adversity. She had brain tumour, but she was so full of life. She made me feel so comfortable just telling her what i feel, without her judging me, or making me feel small. She made me forget that she was in a worse predicament than i was, when i was about to lose the custodianship of my children, she was about to lose her life, and her children were about to lose her permanently, but she loan me her ears and her wisdom helped me get through that calamity. What would i do withour you, Erni. And i was unable to even be by your side, or even go and visit you before you were returned to God's earth where we all came from. Little do you know that those calls i got, were those which i looked forward to, those which gave me back my zest for life and my faith in truth and justice. I will not get those calls again; ever. I have no gift left for you, Erni, but my prayers. And my prayers for your children and your ever faithful husband, may Allah grant them strength. And I love you more than any words can say. May Allah convey this message to you. May Allah grant me strength and light, for one of my candles have already been blown out.
4 comments:
May Allah bless her soul in the hereafter. You write very well, sis. I am very impressed as this is one of the many things I could not do. Keep it coming ....
When it still had light, wane as it maybe was, did you take time to appreciate it? Talk to it and ask, "Why do you burn yourself out? And why both ends?"
Yes a candle is meant to burn itself to light up the world but folks only run for them during outtages or for the birthday cakes. Most times they are forgotten in a drawer or cabinet somehwere.
OK, one candle may have burned out. Another is about to, but in a different way all because in your single-mum-martyrdom apparel you deny yourself things like a light that wishes to shine in your life. So that light too is waning - not by choice - and will leave you soon. You still have time to do what is necessary. Of course you will still have light from other sources for God deprives not we, wee humankind. It's departure is imminent since you have no time for it or to appeciate it.
Of course, there is also a Glow - sinar, you tell me if my translation is correct since you translate - from another source. This one is flaming strong yet though you do not wish to depend on it, you are still on good terms with it and all it brings. Yet how persistent and prevailing is it? It too may go away unless you take it as yours.
But you could then make another blog entry. And life and legacies go on. And on, and onnnnnnn.....
Zaaba Abaaz
A song for your friend...
BIARKU MENJADI LILIN
BIARKU MENJADI LILIN
MEMBERIKAN CAHAYA
TERANGI SEKELILING
DENGAN DIRI TERBAKAR
TAK SIAPA YANG SEDAR
DI SAAT KEGELAPAN
RELA AKU BERKORBAN
DEMI SATU HARAPAN
BIAR MASA BERLALU
DAN KAU TERUS MENDAKI
AKU TENANG DI SINI
DENGAN SABAR MENANTI
TANPA DENDAM DAN BENCI
ANDAINYA KAU TERJATUH
TERLUKA DAN TERSUNGKUR
KU RAWAT BIAR SEMBUH
AKU TAKKAN BERTANYA
APAKAH NANTI BALASANNYA
SETIAP PENGORBANAN
SETIAP PEMBERIAN
DEMI SATU IKATAN
KEIKHLASAN DI HATI
WALAUPUN SERING KAU RAGUI
PADA SUATU MASA
DAN SUATU KETIKA
AKAN KETARA JUA
BIARKU MENJADI LILIN
MEMBERIKAN CAHAYA
SAAT KAU KESEPIAN
SAAT KAU KEGELAPAN
KU RELA MENERANGKAN
AKU SENANG BEGINI
DENGAN TERUS BERBAKTI
DENGAN CARA SENDIRI
Surely Allah's plans for all are perfect. He made her strong and to willingly accept her end. He made you have your special, poignant moment.
Puan, you write well and so touchingly. Thank you for sharing this private moment.
B
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