Saturday, July 23, 2011

It's The Angle, Silly...

I love the peace and quiet on a Saturday dawn, only the whistling of the birds and the consistent gurgle of my neighbour's man made water fountain. Everything else is simply....still.
This ringing stillness has the uncanny effect of making my mind stop thinking almost altogether..about what should i do next...what should the tagline for the commercial I am proposing be...STOP and just BE..

The big tree outside our fence stood still to the anthem of silence that prevail like a light curtain about to be broken by the sharp shards of the morning equatorial sun. Not even the tiniest movement of its leaves least not until I looked a little closer. Then I saw it..the tiny flutter of the leaves..just the ones. at the end of the branch closest to me..and that rustling whisper of the tree breathing.

Perhaps today is a good day to start journaling again..this time without obligation.
Maybe this time I can pose the questions I daren't in the past; for fear of peeking eyes and judgmental minds who is ever ready to punish people for being true to themselves.

I have hesitated to write because I feared that writing negative thoughts and feelings would manifest. But I can't whitewash my life, without purging out the blacks and greys..and without answering the big nagging question: WHY AM I ALWAYS STRUGGLING?
Why is there always not enough?

There..I dared write it
..wait a minute...
Why is my life like this pen? (I journaled with fountain pen on just seems more romantic..I would use a quill if it isn't so cumbersome..) Whenever I journal, I needed the ink to flow out smoothly, so that my train of thought would not be broken and can be poured out on my journal as it struggles out of me; most times faster than my hand can write..but sometimes, the ink just refused to flow, and I had to keep struggling, putting the strokes again and again.. I checked the barrel, and found that the ink was full..Yet it didn't flow as I wanted it to..why..

If I want to write I have to keep trying, so I placed my strokes again and again..then I thought, wait a minute. There were times when I shifted the pen to a certain angle, the ink flowed better. There were times, because of the way I held my pen, and the angle wasn't the most conducive for the ink to flow, it thus just didn't flow so well, or didn't flow at all. And because of this hitch, I missed some of the ideas that were struggling to be immortalised on my journal.

Then I realised, perhaps, it's the angle. Certain stroke needs a certain angle..brilliant! Yes, that's it!!

Then it occured to me..Isn't that how life is too?..arranging ourselves for the different strokes with different angles..Perhaps that is what it means by being relentless like water, flowing around objects, taking a different angle based on different objects that are placed before us. Relent, surrender, submit and flow.

The barrel is full..the Universe is abundant..
It is just the different angle required for the different is the angle you take on life, on problems and issues that determines the outcomes. It is the thoughts we have in our heads that materialise into our physical reality..

Yes, that's it!!Life is truly abundant..but nothing will flow to us if we take a negative it IS the ANGLE

And by my rules, there are only 2 angles, really; LOVE or FEAR.
Better still, if fountain pen doesn't work so well, why don't I make a complete REVAMP, and write with a Roller ball instead..which figuratively is what I am doing right now..

Yet again, a Guru has come before me, in the simple act of journaling, in the humble ole fountain pen and paper.
In any case..I know for sure I am operating from the safe cradle of a Benevolent Universe.


Abang said...

always...? Or is it "often"? There's a big difference here.
Whatever the semantics: from what I see and know, you have been an exceptional mother and person. I've often wondered how you've been getting on with things "since then", and each time I do so, I'm amazed. This thought will always come to mind: "What a marvellous person!"

Yes, you might feel you are struggling - and maybe you are... as many/most people do. But the more important thing is that you have carried on. And you have done very well in that, with the resources and opportunities that you have. No matter how things go: when you feel down, just know that there are people who think so highly of you... because of who and what you are.

ummi said...

Thank you so much En. Abang for your feedback and your constant encouragement :)

Anonymous said...
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